Pitty Party
It was bound to happen.
In the midst of the chaos of planning and preparing for Sarah's hospital visit this moment was sure to come.
Thankfully a ribbon of logic has woven itself into the fabric of the tapestry that represents the events I am preparing for.
But its just painful to my heart to be pulling out a suitcase to pack, buying comfy clothes for her, purchasing books, treats, a DVD and new toy so I can take Sarah TO THE HOSPITAL??? Seriously???
Aren't those all the things that would go hand in hand with a mommy-daughter trip??
While I recognize the gift of Sarah closed the opportunity to do many things like manicures, plan a wedding/shower, have long talks, etc. I also recognize the wonderful joys she brings to my life and knowledge that I am privilege to something very few people are. She says, "Mama" all the time now. It's true, I unabashedly admit I am her favorite person. Her hugs are delicious! The blessings are amazing. But they really don't make the hurts go away. They only soften them. So as I drove home from the store today I cried. I cried over yet another one of the thousand deaths that having a child with disabilities can be like. Loss after loss after loss.
My heart hurts at the knowledge of what this weekend brings. At the thoughts of her unspoken questions and pains this weekend will bring. And of the prelude they may be to even more to come. I want to scream out, "This is so unfair! This is not what I wanted!" But I don't. Because of the ribbon of logic. Because of the gratitude the Lord has given me for the precious gift He blessed me with in my sweet Sarah. Because I know no good thing is without pain.
In the midst of the chaos of planning and preparing for Sarah's hospital visit this moment was sure to come.
Thankfully a ribbon of logic has woven itself into the fabric of the tapestry that represents the events I am preparing for.
But its just painful to my heart to be pulling out a suitcase to pack, buying comfy clothes for her, purchasing books, treats, a DVD and new toy so I can take Sarah TO THE HOSPITAL??? Seriously???
Aren't those all the things that would go hand in hand with a mommy-daughter trip??
While I recognize the gift of Sarah closed the opportunity to do many things like manicures, plan a wedding/shower, have long talks, etc. I also recognize the wonderful joys she brings to my life and knowledge that I am privilege to something very few people are. She says, "Mama" all the time now. It's true, I unabashedly admit I am her favorite person. Her hugs are delicious! The blessings are amazing. But they really don't make the hurts go away. They only soften them. So as I drove home from the store today I cried. I cried over yet another one of the thousand deaths that having a child with disabilities can be like. Loss after loss after loss.
My heart hurts at the knowledge of what this weekend brings. At the thoughts of her unspoken questions and pains this weekend will bring. And of the prelude they may be to even more to come. I want to scream out, "This is so unfair! This is not what I wanted!" But I don't. Because of the ribbon of logic. Because of the gratitude the Lord has given me for the precious gift He blessed me with in my sweet Sarah. Because I know no good thing is without pain.
posted by Heather | 1/09/2013 11:18:00 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home